Divine Designed Life Podcast

The Weight of a Shame Identity – Episode #874

The Weight of a Shame Identity

Enter the powerful exploration of healing and breaking free from the weight and heavy burdens of toxic shame.

The Weight of a Shame Identity
Episode #874
02/15/2024

Walk and talk with John Enslow

Well, hey there, so I want to give you some good news today! So I have finished the book with one caveat. I finished the book on overcoming shame with one caveat. The caveat is that I have another section that has to be written. When I was going through it, I realized that I needed to write about the shame when someone places their shame upon us. So someone’s shameful act and their shame is put on us, and then we carry that shame as our own until we deal with it. And so as I was looking at that I was saying OK in abuse, in abusive situations… as a child or whatever, we can…. Someone can act shamefully on us, upon us, towards us, and then we take that shame on, and we take it on ourselves and then we carry that shame. And there’s really nowhere to deal with it because it is not ours. It was something that was put on us. And though we were involved in it, though we were made culpable because of it, ultimately those shames aren’t ours, but we carry it as if it is. And we have self contempt and self hatred, and we have self bitterness about it. This is toxic shame. This is awful toxic shame!

So as I was dealing with this, I thought about it and I said OK I need to get testimonies about this. So I’ve gotten three guys that have written testimonies and I’m working those testimonies. I’m writing this section and then I’m gonna be done. I’m gonna be sending it to the editor, real soon and looking forward to getting that work done. Then I’ll get it up on the… through the formatting I’ll get it up on Kindle and print on demand with Amazon. I can’t wait. I really, really, really am so looking forward to this. The writing trip was a complete success. I was blown away by the fact that I was able to get there, I was able to get it all done   So I celebrate. This is a celebration time. This is really, really fun.

What this shame is like is you’re taking someone else’s shameful act and then you turn that shame that you have and you turn that shame back upon yourself. You impale yourself.  You impale your heart, you impale your person with contempt. Self-contempt is so horrible. That’s when it becomes so toxic, because those barbs of self-contempt, self-hatred… “Why didn’t I say no? Why didn’t I do something about it? Why was I so stupid to go there? Why didn’t….” All these things. And you turn on yourself and then you just tear your soul, and that is tragic. That is devastating to our personhood, and then the residual shame is a weight that we have to carry. We have to literally… it is exhausting! If you have lived with shame all your life, one of the key things is exhaustion. You’re exhausted to carry shame. It is a heavyweight, but it feels just like YOU, because you’ve taken it on, because you’ve absorbed it, embraced it as a truth, as a reality, as a belief system. It becomes this weight, this heavy burden weight that you cannot get free from and you cannot deal with.

It just would feel like a backpack but it’s not like a backpack because it’s not just hanging on you, it feels like you. It makes it impossible to deal with. It makes it where you say how in the world do I deal with this? How do I face this? How do I process this? And again, as I’ve said, it’s not something you can do alone. If you could’ve done it alone you would’ve done it alone but it’s not something you can do. Someone needs to come alongside of you with the Spirit of God and help you unburden yourself from that, process that, deal with that.

I was being coached the other day and it was amazing to me because I was seeing the steps of what coaching through shame would look like.

• Opening the dialogue, this is huge. Inviting someone into witness.

• Untangling yourself from the burden, and the lie. Detaching from all that chaos, all that confusion, all that self-hatred.

• Embracing your true self, finding out who your true self is apart from shame. And then once you have embrace this new self, this shame free self.

• Once you embrace that then there’s the process of having to recalibrate everything. You’re recalibrating how do you live life. 

It’s almost like you have to go through physical therapy to relearn how to walk, how to talk, how to deal with life because your life has been so stymied, so tragically crippled with this and you think it’s you and it’s not you and so all sudden now you’re here and you’re having to deal with it. You have to relearn how to live, how to think, how to process life and set goals for yourself.

How do I live now that I don’t have shame? How do I live free of this weight of shame? Do you know how huge it is? You have to relearn, recalibrate how to even position yourself in life. That’s exciting and that’s part of the coaching. It’s OK where do I go from here now that I’ve unburdened myself from this shame, how do I walk out life? How do I live in the wonder of life? It changes the entire perspective, so that now you can go forward and you can celebrate life, you can enjoy life, you can live life that you were intended to. You can live your authentic self, your true self, apart from this shame cloak, this toxic shame presence in your life.

So I’m excited! I’m excited about where this is all going. I’m excited about what it’s gonna offer and what is gonna bring. So I’m inviting you into the dialogue. Let’s experience true life, true identity, true shame-free living where we can excel and exceed all our expectations of living and come into a new place of wholeness and healing and stretch those muscles that have atrophy because of shame. So I love you, thank you and let’s get this journey going!

The Weight of a Shame Identity – Episode #874 – Divine Designed Life Podcast

How can I handle the shame of abuse? A guide through the path of shedding the weight of shame and stepping into a life of authenticity.

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