Triggers and Pouring Our Hearts Out – Episode #810

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Triggers and Pouring Our Hearts Out
Episode #810
6/12/2022

With Martha Kilpatrick and hosted by John Enslow
With special guest: Ladonna Spears, Dave Wentzel, Joan Wentzel, Gene Spears

This is a continuation of a series of podcasts started in Episode #802
Triggers can happen while struggling with our complete powerless in every aspect of our lives.

Martha:
I want to read to you the last verse in the Bible.

Revelations 22:21 AMPC
The grace (blessing and favor) of the Lord Jesus Christ (the Messiah) be with all the saints (God’s holy people, those set apart for God, to be, as it were, exclusively His). Amen (so let it be)!

All the grace and blessing you need for forgiveness, for the work of hearing, all of that is given to you as a blessing and favor and grace. Grace means mercy and power. God will give you the power to live your own life to go through the worst of it and become richer.

The grace (blessing and favor) of the Lord Jesus Christ (the Messiah) be with all the saints (God’s holy people, those set apart for God, to be, as it were, exclusively His). Amen (so let it be)!

We need to understand the Lord is going to work in our life until all we have is Jesus. Get ready for that stripping and that chastening and that agenda of the Holy Spirit to bring you to Jesus Christ to live in His presence and His glory and His wonder and His love forever and ever and ever.

Thank You Lord for such a provision that is so total. We have everything we need to do the work of living with You. We have everything we need already in place.

I Corinthians 2:9 KJV
But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love Him.

So Amen

Ladonna:
I was thinking about that verse in Revelation where Jesus says He is and He was and He is to come and that those word connect to that scripture in Ecclesiastes 3:15 and I’ve heard somebody say this, probably you Martha, that God wants to go back for us to experience Him in those situations; to know that He was there in that situation whether I chose as a kid to be afraid or to try to fix things. All of my character flaws as you put them is irrelevant because He is and He was and He is to come. He was there even though as a kid I couldn’t connect or I didn’t connect that He was there solving those things.

Dave:
The illustration of our story is often given as the tapestry that God is making. He sees what He’s doing from up above. All we see is threads and yarns down below that make absolutely no sense and looks chaotic and messy and just frustrating. What is the purpose? What is the direction? My experience was as I have gotten older…Ephesians 4 says that we are sealed with Him until we reach our full salvation. If that is what He means by reaching your full salvation is you begin to see things. He gives you glimpses. He lets a little bit drop down. You see a part of the tapestry that He had woven in the past that He was doing. The result is amazement and also it just increases our love for Him and at times regret on our part that we didn’t trust Him, we didn’t believe. He was with the disciples at times when He would get angry with their unbelief; casting out a demon or whatever; if you just believed. It has that results sometimes; just to see His sovereignty. He was doing all that and I just thought it was a mess. I just thought it was chaos and angry and frustrated because I couldn’t understand how this helped me or helped my life. The other side of it is the tapestry illustration that He’s weaving our story our tapestry that one day we will see and be able to cast, take that put it as His feet and thank Him for what He has done in our lives.

Martha:
You’ve got plenty to say about triggers. How do you spot a trigger, that it is a trigger?

You did that for me by showing me your own testimonies.

John:
This scenario that we’re experiencing right now with the shelving and the lifting pallet jack have spent week fighting with these people trying to get them to deliver this thing here. I’ve gone through every possible option and the end result of it all is I am powerless. And I have felt powerless in my life for so many things right now. And I’ve talked and I’ve said, “Listen, I’m doing this whole thing right now by myself. I don’t have any ability to do forward moving. I used to have the time and the energy and the wherewithal to do forward moving things where I’m literally just maintaining. There’s nothing forward right now. It’s harkens to “You are a failure!” And so, I’m struggling with the fear of failing; I’m struggling with that I’m completely powerless in every aspect of my life and that harkens back to childhood enmeshment with my mom. I was powerless to fix back then but I was required to do it. And now I’m powerless to do anything and I still have to do it.

So He’s bringing back that old wound and that old story and old trauma and putting it in my face and I’ve told Myles this, “Listen, I know that right now I have to face this again but I have something that I didn’t have back then.” I didn’t have salvation back then; I didn’t have Christ’s life back then. I had to just white-knuckle it out. Now I have Him. But that’s even painful. You know that it’s been my, I’ve written it on the blog that my earliest childhood memory church is not singing “I am weak and He is strong.” I would not fricken not do it. “No, hell no. You can be strong but I want to be strong, too.” “Well, no you’re not. You are weak, weak, weak.” And I am and He’s constantly trying to say, “You’re weak.” I’m like, “I don’t want to be weak, because it hits on my manhood; it hits on my value and my worth.” So, I’m completely triggered by the whole thing and I can’t get out of it and I can’t solve anything and I’m trying but I’m not able to do it. Phew!!!

Joan:
You are my brother. Dave is your brother. Gene is your brother. Ladonna is your sister, Jacquelyn is your sister. We’ve all had Martha mothering. We all know that. We are a family and you are not alone anymore. Here is the great news is you are not alone. But the thing is you didn’t have siblings. You are so used to doing this on your own. Here we are.

Gene:
I’ve been sitting here thinking from the very beginning, if I’m getting this wrong biblically forgive me and correct me, but I think Moses struggled so much and his father-in-law came and gave him advice to divi this out. What I see wrong in this whole scenario is, this is me speaking out of my ignorance maybe, some things you’ve got to let go of. You are not superman. You cannot do all this. I think God is telling you you can’t do all this. And you have to dole some stuff out. That’s all I’ve got to say. I just think you are asking too much of yourself. Nobody can do what you have been trying to do. It may have been easier years ago but it’s a lot harder now. It’s hard, it really is.

Triggers and Pouring Our Hearts Out – Episode #810 – Shulamite Podcast

This whole scenario that we’re experiencing right now is triggering and in our triggers we need to be pouring our hearts out.