Divine Designed Life Podcast

Episode #54 – The Trench Reality

with Martha Kilpatrick and hosted by John Enslow

(M)  This is the process.   Repentance.  I go to the altar and there I find the wonders of God and then I have a testimony.  I have an unction.  And God always reduces me to zero so Christ can come in.  I’m in His way if I’m in any, if I’m in any flesh of any sort.  I was thinking this morning about the many methods of control that people use.  I was thinking about one way is flattery and sugar.  Oh, deliver me from sugar.  I’m always suspicious of drippy.
(J)  Gooey lips…
(M)  Gooey, gooey, yeah, because it is an attempt to seduce.  Charm is deceitful.  Now, encouragement is different.
(J)  Right.  Right.  Right.  There’s something totally different in that.
(M)  Right.  The source is different.  The motive is different.  I need the encouragement that God pours on me, because I am such a nothing.  I know nothing and I have nothing.  But there’s intimidation, all kinds of methods, manipulation, threats.  Condemnation is a form of control.  Come down to where I want you to be.  But I don’t have a word for Chiapas.  Isn’t that funny?  I don’t have an anointing.  The anointing is all in the intercessors right now.  And they have the word.  My word is just to be a kiss on Jesus’ feet.  Ah…That’s my word.  That’s all I know
(J)  What else is there? 
(M)  Everything comes from that.  So, it’s to have no control over anything, no power to do or be anything, and especially no power to control the wildness of God.  And you said it so well about the airplane.  I didn’t know that experience and you didn’t know mine either.  To know that your life lies in God’s hands completely, to live or die, rise or fall, be or not be.  And Brother Lawrence never concerned himself with what he was not.
(J)  Right.
(M)  I think I’m a little too focused on …  oh, help I am nothing.  But the altar is the death of the flesh and there’s no real move of God without a grave, John.  I know that.  “Death works in me that life might work in you.”  So I should have known…  but anyway, it’s glory.  I just want to mention…  I went to the altar yesterday.  I didn’t realize that’s what it was at the time.  Only today do I understand the whole process of yesterday.  If you don’t listen for everyday and understand the experiences…  We are to die daily.  The altar is the cross.  The cross is great IF anyone will follow Me, let him take up his cross and follow Me daily.  He who saves his life will lose it and he who loses his life for My sake will find it. 
(J)  Well, Martha, when I came into the country, I had a check in my spirit that I was defensive.  And I saw myself doing the defense.  I literally came in…  When we go some places some people tell us things, how horrible, or whatever and immediately “me” as a man…  I immediately start bowing up my chest and saying, “what am I going to kill?”  You know?  So I realized all of a sudden when I got off that plane my whole stance changed.  I was like rrrrrrrrr.  And I was like saying…  It got checked all the way the point that we went to terminal one.  I went…ummmmmrrrr…I’m defending myself.  I am fighting off something.  I’m not being vulnerable.  And as a man it’s really hard to be vulnerable because, you know, naturally I want to, you know, run out there with the sword and slay every dragon, but the fact is is that is not the place that I could ever be, because I lost Him.  I think He was, “Ok, well… you want to go ahead and do that , go ahead.”  But it made me miserable and I’m sure it made everybody around me miserable.   And it was just…   And I just didn’t need to be there.  And so, you know, I need to see that that’s …  can be our immediate response is that I am going to defend.
(M)  …take control.
(J)  I’m going to take control.  But the reality of it all is hahaha, there’s no control you have.  I’m in the middle of a country that I have no idea and it’s been wonderful.  OK.  It’s been wonderful, you know, we haven’t gone out of our hotel, and it’s an American hotel.  But it’s been wonderful and I’ve appreciated it.
(M)  Yeah.  And we were warned about extreme danger here from a number of sources.  And one person said do not leave the airport.  Stay in the hotel inside the airport.  And so we went back and forth with that.  I couldn’t hear the Lord.
(J)  I know why I couldn’t.
(M)  I know why I couldn’t too.  I was a little discombobulated by the warning and I went to the Lord and said,  “You’ve got to tell us what to do.  We’ve already made reservations.”  Oh, we came up with a dozen alternatives and He said one thing to me.  “Do not move or be motivated by fear.”
(J)  And unfortunately I immediately came into this country motivated by fear, motivated by thinking that I had any kind of power to protect, control or ward off any kind of evil.
(M)  Right.  And people, even though we couldn’t communicate, everybody was lovely to us and tried to help us.  And on the train from one terminal to the other, one young man said, “May I practice my English on you?”  So we had a funny conversation with the two men and I had to make them repeat everything.
(J)  Ok, and my immediate response is, “What are you doing.  Why are asking her to do that?”  I’m looking saying….  Cause you’re telling them, oh yeah, we’re staying in this hotel and we’re going here and we’re going here and I’m going…  oh,God.  Oh, God.  She’s telling them our whole life…  And so I just…  I thought …  I mean that’s where I started really getting checked because I was defensive towards them.  There was no reason.  They were fine.  I mean they could have been crooks or they could have killed us, but they didn’t.
(M)  Well, I could feel the steel in you standing up over there. 
(J)  It was there.
(M)  But, Rosemary, who has the anointing said “Danger!  Fooey!” 
(J)  Yeah, I like the fooey.  And I think I’m going to continue this trip in a fooey position.
(M)  Ok.  Well, He’s God.  That’s all we need to know.  He is sovereign and over everything. 
(J)  The people…  I saw this as well.  I’m seeing things on the move, I think a lot lately.  I sit down in my quiet time, I mean I don’t hear a whole lot, but on the move I’m hearing things.  And I looked at these people and there is a…  in the Latin culture, there is a childlikeness.  Have you seen it?  There’s a childlikeness in them that…  Do you know what I’m talking about? 
(M)  I wouldn’t have called it that, John, but I think you’re right.
(J)  It’s… Ok, the waiters. 
(M)  ..uh,huh…
(J)  Ok, now, granted, you know, there’s reasons why they’re acting the way they are, but there was almost like a boyish kind of act and I was looking at them.  They were even doing a conference here.  And I was looking at them and I said, “There is a childlikeness there.”  It’s not juvenile.  It’s just a childlikeness.
(M)  Simplicity?
(J)  There is a simplicity.
(M)  And I noticed we haven’t had any English speaking waiters at all and one of them was trying to tell you…  an older man and a younger man were trying to tell you things about the menu.  And we couldn’t understand and they were not frustrated or embarrassed.  They just kept trying.
(J)  They did, really.
(M)  They kept coming back and helping us and coming back to make sure everything was alright…three or four of them.
(J)  And you remember I asked for some salsa to go on an enchilada and they brought every kind of sauce and juice and stuff and put it all of the table and said, “Which one do you want?” 
(M)  Yeah, and they never brought what you really wanted, because we don’t know the name of it.
(J)  Right.
(M)  Yeah.  There is a …
(J)  It’s precious.  There is something precious about them and I’m not unaware of the fact that we are Americans and we do have money.  OK?  And you know, if you’re going to give great service, I’m going to tip well.  And so, you know.
(M)  Being a former waiter, you understand.
(J)  Yeah, absolutely.  I mean, I did it and I understand it.  There was just something and it wasn’t just the waiters.  I was looking at the people around that weren’t even interacting with an American and I was just kind of watching…  There’s a very childlikeness.  I think we feel very sufficient in our American culture, where there’s like almost a pseudo-sophistication, you know?  Do you understand what I’m saying?
(M)  Oh, I think so. 
(J)  And with them, there’s just a real childlikeness that I really appreciate.  And so I just bless them.  So that’s even more reason.  Ok, you’ve got a bunch of childlike people…  Now, I’m not saying they’re perfect.  I’m not saying I have rose colored glasses here.  But I’m saying if you come in with this hard core steel, forehead of flint, determined that they’re not going to, you know….  Not that you’re not going to be wise, but I’m not going to protect myself.
(M)  And you were delightfully open towards them.  That may have welcomed them more than some people might have.
(J)  Ok.  Well, that was after I repented for being a jerk.
(M)  I was thinking in the beginning of the this podcast, this is the trenches  of object lesson in our lives of living out the message.  You said it already, but that’s what I thought at the beginning.  This is the test of the classroom. 

(M) You know, though, while I’m on this subject of altars I want to mention my Thanksgiving message and photographs of my family.  For some, many years now, far past when this ministry began with a name, I’ve always kept my family private and hidden.  And many people think because they see the visible ministry that that’s my life.  I know that.  I know they think that and whatever else they think.  But you know, to be truthful, John, the Christian world is a little bit like the poperotsy.  Some inspect and scrutinize and peer in and judge and I’ve just not wanted my family exposed to…
(J)  That’s understandable, completely.
(M)  Yeah.  Well, for some reason this Thanksgiving I was completely free to just throw them out there.  But the response has been something I want to address.  I’ve gotten several letters and loved them.  The first one came from a woman whose family was not…  was very troubled, not together, not following the Lord.  But she gave me the most loving blessing.  And I wrote back to her, “Dear so and so.  Dearest woman.”  She was precious.  “You must understand that behind these pictures are many tears and many trips to the cross,” because it’s not what we have done that created where we are, which is where it is.  It’s wonderful…  has a long way to go for me and for each one in my family.  But it’s not anything that we’ve done right.  It’s not anything that we haven’t died over to each other.  There’s no end to the cross behind that picture.  That picture is a resurrection picture and I believe that’s why I was at last free to share my family.
(J)  Well, yeah, I mean, you know, seven years ago the whole process of Robyn’s death…
(M)  Right.
(J)  I mean there’s a major dealing all on our website about Robyn’s death and everything.  That wasn’t the glory place, you know?  And just because you can put up a picture more completed to this point…  doesn’t meant there’s not process and so it’s unrealistic to believe in…
(M)  Right.  And I tried to say in the message that it was God pursuing each member because everyone in that photograph is an Issac for me.
(J)  Right.  Exactly.
(M)  And those who walk with me know that well.  So I want somehow…  I don’t know whether this, how far this will go but…  I want somehow to say, “Go to the altar daily and God will pursue your family.”  Just as He sent the disciples out, then He secretly went to their villages. 
(J)  That’s right.
(M)  And He said to me many years ago in my wringing my hands for my family.  He said, “You take care of My business and I’ll take care of yours.”  And so this photo album is a picture of His victory over us, and His pursuit and dominion and goodness.  But it is also a picture of much agony and death.
(J)  Right.
(M)  Because only through the grave does a family reach resurrection.  And so somehow I feel like I didn’t know why I was so free to just say, oh, glory, this is my family.  But I don’t want it to be thought that’s it’s anything that I did other than die to them, for them, over them and that many times.  So I just want to say that about the altar.  It has an ending.  It’s not futile.  It’s not the end.  It’s the beginning.  The cross in your life, the altar is the place of beginning.  And Issac’s beginning was at Moriah that day.  And Abraham’s new beginning was there as well.  Resurrection reigned from that point on.  And resurrection life transcends natural life, everything that people do and can do.  Resurrection life goes on unhindered, unstopped, and unbelieveable.  So let me end on that singing around the altars that I’ve been through of my family, singing thanksgiving and declaring His wonders.

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