Episode #454 – The Real Life of a Christian

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The Real Life of a Christian
Episode #454
August 16, 2015

With Martha Kilpatrick and hosted by John Enslow
Special Guest: Jennifer Wentzel and Carole Nelson

This is the continuation of a series of Podcasts started in Episode #453.

(Carole) When He came after me, He came after me to instill the fear of God into me, and it took judgment, experiential judgment in order for Him to instill that fear of God into me. The process, yeah, I was part of the ‘jump from a to z team.’ You know, if the Word says ‘do it’ then it must be done and ‘hallelujah, I’m there.’ And…
(Martha) But it was the flesh.
(Carole) But it was the flesh; it was all the flesh, and I thank God that He brought the cross, and He brought that process, that life or death process, that life or death fear of Him, knowing Him, seeing Him as real, living, eternal, and shook me out of that complacency and that tepidness and put me into the process of dying daily, and seeing myself, because I don’t know how, I don’t know how we come to see Him without Him showing us who we are first.
(Jennifer) Well, and that, Carole, that was the thing that ultimately brought me around and out of that. I was pursuing what seemed to me as the least dead option. And yet I knew it wasn’t, it wasn’t the real thing. And so, I never stopped looking for what I knew had to be out there. And that’s the thing. Romans 1 makes very clear that every single person you meet regardless of the situation, regardless of what comes out of their mouth, regardless of what they say, knows that God is God, and that He is to be thanked. Romans 1 says no one in the whole wide world knows anything different. And I have to remind myself of that, because I’m constantly under the impression that, you know, there are people who just don’t know, who just don’t get it. And I say to myself, you know, “Well that wasn’t true for you.” And I say, “Well maybe I was an exception.” No, Romans 1 says they knew that He was God, they neither thanked Him nor praised Him. They knew. We all know. He’s vindicated. We are none of us, you know, none of us have an excuse that’s going to hold water. And if you keep that in mind and look at the people… I can keep that in mind and I can look at my life, and I can say, ok, I was always both pursuing Him and running from Him. That was the duel nature of my story at that point. The Spirit in me longed for Him, and the flesh, the wounded flesh of me, the soul of me, said, “I hate You with every fiber of my being. There is no part of me that wants anything to do with You.” And I don’t think that I’m unique in that, that that story was unique. And no, I no longer, you know, am a debauched ruffian who’s hanging out in Irish pubs and all the rest of that. That’s not my story anymore, but it’s not my story because I found Him. And I found life, and I kind of think about that when I look at evangelism and people out preaching the gospel and this, that and the other, and I think, “You would have to say so little if you had that spark radiating out of you.” They would be the shortest sermons in the history of the world. It would require nothing. You’d be standing there in front of starving people, radiating the smell and glow of fresh baked bread. You would need to say virtually nothing, because people would look and say, “That, that’s what I’m starving for. I’m dying here. This life gives me nothing, nothing of true sustenance. I’m starving. That is what I want.” And it would have very little to do with, you know, the explanation of the whole universe wrapped up in the gospel. At least that’s you know…
(J) Well, that would be my story with Martha. And when I was in Orlando, and I received a couple of your cassettes, and I listened, and after I got over my initial shock and awe carpet bombing, I literally said, “This is something, she’s speaking about something that I am missing, that is lacking in my current experience of seeker friendly church.” I was, you know, I’ve said it. I was searching and trying to find, because I was done with the status quo that was being presented. I said, “Ok, this was great when I first came here. It made me feel good, but this is nothing, and either this is all a lie, and it’s all just make believe, or this is real.” And I knew from my childhood that God was real, but I was not on board with the life that His children were presenting. And so, I said, you know, “God, you gotta do something here, because this is not it. You know, these people are saying that this is the best thing since Acts, and this isn’t Acts at all. I’m not sensing or experiencing the book of Acts at all. So, You’ve gotta do something or we’re done, You know? Let’s go do something else.” You know? And so, I heard your message and I heard the spark of Life, and I was completely exposed by it, and I was… I mean it was very uncomfortable. I was, but the fact is, is that I said, “I don’t care what I have to get exposed to or from or about.” This is a spark that I saw in you, Christ’s life in you was what hooked me. And it wasn’t you. It was Christ’s life in you, because I came. When I came up, and I experienced you as a person, the human person, and I had to wrestle with that. You know, I had to say, “Oh, this is a human woman. This is a frail human woman. This is fallible.” So then, I had to, in my whole dealing with God, I had to see how He could bring through a frail, fragile woman the life of Christ and how there was no contradiction there; that that is how He does it. So, I had to bow to that too. I had to say, “Oh, You don’t make angels.” You know what I mean? Not that you were, you know, it just…You were human, not and I mean…
(M) I wasn’t pretending to be some ethereal, superior…
(J) No, but I had come out of everybody saying they were super spiritual when there was absolutely nothing behind the super spiritual façade. And you gave me something totally different. What you gave me was someone who had no façade of super spirituality, who had all the Life behind them. That’s when I said, “Now, this is different,” because, you know. Ask any millennial, “We’re done with,” and I’m not a millennial by any stretch of the imagination, but ask any millennial, “We’re done with the façade.” Your show, I can go and watch shows all day long. They’re all over the TV; there in our, everywhere. People are painted up in a show. But you had a Life behind your exterior that I was like, “Dadgum, now, this is different. There’s something here that I want.” And that’s what made me hungry. And so…
(Carole) It was the fragrance, it was the Life.
(J) Absolutely. Carole just said it was the fragrance and that’s exactly what it was. I smelled Christ. I was captivated by the beautiful fragrance. And then the whole thing that I had to say, ok, in a human form, this Life’s coming out. Then I had to make that whole dealing. But then I said, “Oh, my gosh, that means, I can do that. Christ’s life can be in me. I don’t have to have a show. I don’t have to be pizzazz. I don’t have to,” you know… And then I said, “Ok, that’s awesome, because that really has everything to do with You, and nothing to do with me, but being open, receptive and a vessel.” And I am chosen. So, I can get that. I can do that, and that’s why, you know, there’s a, you know, go look at Hollywood. There’s thousands and thousands and thousands of actors that never will see the screen. And there are thousands and thousands of Christians that present, but have no life. And so, it’s kind of very similar to that, you know, because you didn’t present. You just were. And I tired of the presentation of the life without the Life.
(Jennifer) I guess that’s the thing. I mean, you can tell me, but if you have to tell me that you’re a Christian, there might be a problem, because to me, the whole ministry of the fragrance, the aroma, the aroma of Christ that is death to those who are perishing and life to those who are not. It simply is. It simply is. And I say this, and sometimes I’ve said, you know, that when I came through Shulamite Ministries, and I danced back and forth. I crossed that line. I was exposed, and then I ran away for a year or two, and then I came back and read something else and “rawrawww.” What brought me back always was that here was real. Here was reality that I both wanted and feared at the same time. It is that ‘otherness,’ which if you were in your right mind at all and looking for it at all, you know that even as you really want it, it’s going to be the most dangerous thing you could possibly come in contact with. It’s going to be the most costly thing you could possibly come in contact with. It’s not, it’s not easy. It’s not a lie; it’s not an illusion. It’s not an affectation. It’s not a behavior, ok? It’s not something you can learn, you can mimic, you can whatever. I’ve seen people try to mimic, and they’re like watching, you know, when you’re playing peek-a-boo with a little kid, and they cheat, and they like squatch their, squish their finger and all of a sudden you their little eye ball looking at you? I mean, that’s what a Christ’s life mimicker is like to me, because you cannot mimic the only Life in the whole universe. You cannot. Now, I know people think you can, cause can get up there and sing “Amazing Grace,” and carry the right pocketbook, and belong to the right organization, and give to the right charity. And you think, that’s fine, that’s great, that’s wonderful. You go on with your bad self and you think God’s got you. There’s no problem. There’s no problem. You’re on the journey, you’ve got a story; me too. But you can’t. You can’t. It is inimitable. Is that the word? Inimitable, exactly. Not imitable. And, you know, in fact, the more you try, the more you look like that three year old kid. Let that be an encouragement to someone to stop trying. It’s hard for all of us, not just you. That would be a terrible life to live. Put it down; let it go. And it’s a terrible life for other people, who encounter you with it. You vibrate like a Chihuahua on crack cocaine. It’s coming off of you in a wave of frenzy, hysteria, panic and fear. It’s awful. It’s debilitating to shake your hand, let alone eat lunch with you. So stop; just stop!

The Real Life of a Christian – Episode #454 – Shulamite Podcast