Divine Designed Life Podcast

Episode #370 – Fear and Its Fruit

Woman in fear

Fear and Its Fruit
11 January 2014
Episode #370

With Martha Kilpatrick and hosted by John Enslow
Special guess: Carole Nelson and Jennifer Wentzel

(Carole) And my life has been, uhmm, full of fear. And most of my life has been blindness to that fear. And fear does cause blindness to yourself and to where you are. And I have dealt with fear. The Lord has brought this issue to my life on numerous occasions, some very dramatic occasions, but it has always remained un, really unsolved. And several instances just this past year have occurred that He stirred up and made visible my fear. I didn’t know, I didn’t know the bottom of it. But He stirred it up, and I really in those instances became hysterical. Years ago, John had a vision of me, with, and I was going through a dealing of fear at that time, but he had a vision of me, and the Lord, my Father, my Abba, was holding me, and I was facing out from Him and He was holding me around my stomach, up close to Him, and I was flailing, and He was holding me until I flailed it out and became still. And that’s been a vision; that really has been a reality in my life. And I’m still in that; I’m still in that vision. But over several instances the Lord exposed my hysteria. Recently, a certain stance arose, and I became hysterical about it. And I called Martha, and she was not, she knew there was no crisis. I called her before I ever went to the Lord. I called her before I ever got on my face and gave it to Him; and I looked to her to deal with it. And since then I have been… He has taken me to a place of seeing just how much He hates fear; passionately hates fear because it keeps me from Him. It keeps His dream; it keeps His destiny that He has called forth from any hope of coming to fruition. It keeps Jesus Christ from increasing His government through me. And it is also so very destructive to the people around me. And I began to see that, uhm, I don’t know if this was the sequence, I saw anything, but I saw first that it was complete and total irresponsibility on my part to deal with something that was in my life that He has been dealing with me over. And I have not dealt with it; I have been lazy and not dealt with it. He showed me that it is complete self-worship, self-focus, self-saving. He showed me that it is absolutely demonic, because it is turning to Satan to solve my problems. And that demonic goes out and wrecks destruction in the people that you really don’t have any intention… I’m not claiming any excuse, but you don’t intend that to happen, but it does because you’ve given yourself to him. And it is worshipping Satan. And I have done that, and I have just been on my face, because it destroys and it stops the Holy Spirit. It quenches the Spirit on every level, not only in my life, but in corporate life, being in the Body, it quenches the move of the Holy Spirit. And ah, Martha has breathed, ah, and it’s the Spirit has breathed, during this time, hope, a lot of hope, that He will, that He will do His good pleasure, He will finish what He started. And I guess it was yesterday I was still crying out because Martha gave me Psalm 34, and I’ve been in that a lot. “The poor man cried out, and the Lord delivered him from all of his fears.” And I was on my face again, crying out for that deliverance, and I felt like I heard, “I have already delivered you, get up, and walk out of your prison.” And I’m doing that by faith. And I’m choosing with all of my heart, and all of my being, to believe only One. I’ve gone to addictions, I’ve gone to loves, I’ve been a harlot, I’ve gone to all sorts of things to try to sooth this hysteria and this fear, and He is so jealous for me. And I can’t even take that in, that He would love me so much; but all of us, any of us, so much, to come in with His, with His loving kindness and chastening, “to remove every hindrance and restore the broken fellowship”, but He is, He is doing that. I want to share, I don’t know, John if you want to take this off. And I don’t even know if this is scriptural or true, ok. But when I was on my face at one point, I saw that we who are in Christ, literally died with Him, and there’s no longer death, so there’s no longer anything to fear. I’d never seen what I saw, and I don’t know if it’s true, but when Don died, he did not die. I saw Don die, he didn’t die, he was in the presence of the Lord. What I saw is beyond anything that I’ve seen. There’s no reason to be afraid of death because there is no death.
(M) The scripture says, “If you follow Him you will not see or experience death.” And I’ve told it before. It’s true Carole, yeah. I believe it’s true even of the martyrs; they were eaten by lions, that they didn’t see or experience death that they were in ecstasy. And there’s testimony’s that they were, even the night before.
(Jennifer) We just step over, for the believer.
(Carole) I have been afraid of something that is not true, I have been afraid of something that is not real. I have been terrorized by my own choosing, by my own refusal to die, my own refusal to lay truly, truly lay down my life, without any qualifications, without any, any, just period. And I’ve been afraid to do that over a lie. It’s something that is not true, that Jesus solved on the cross two thousand some years ago. Death died with Jesus. It says He died once for all. He died once, and if I’m in Him I’ve already died. Once and for all, right?
(M) Right. Ok, as fantastic as that is, it’s true; thank you. Once, see, ouuu, you know what you’re getting? Getting such victory that your going to have a victory, and a testimony and the Blood of your forgiveness, first, and then of your testimony of His greatness. That’s what your passing on right now, right on the heels of all this.
(Carole) Well can I go back? Because this just kind of, I want to go back because on Sunday you, the podcast Sunday, you mentioned Renaulda Church and listening to that sermon on the Blood, so I went and I listened to that whole thing. And I had just been begging God to show me this whole, say oh God, please, help, You’ve got to show me all of this. And in that sermon from, by that man, one of the things I saw is sabotage. That when I fear, I don’t know if he said it, but I got this, the Holy Spirit gave it to me. He did use the word sabotage, but what I saw in it is when I fear I sabotage myself first. I curse myself to do the very thing that I don’t want to do, and then I fear. And I sabotage those around me by my own sabotage. I don’t know if I’m making any sense.
(M) I’m afraid it’s perfectly clear.
(Carole) Ok. And that put me in great shame, and that was good, because this is all about being humiliated into humility. It’s all about being humiliated into receiving God’s love, into receiving the real truth. And so I just wanted to say that, because I think the sabotage is so, the curse that we incur on our own selves through our fear is hellish, not only for ourselves, but for everyone we’re around.
(M) When I was, ah, doing some studying yesterday on words, I was dealing with the word truth that so many times is not translated accurately in the New Testament. There’s a word, aletheia I believe it is, and it means reality. And I was looking at that deeply, because I’m using it in the manuscript to the Kingdom Children. But I came to something that, ah, did any of you help me with the definition yesterday? The opposite of that in the Greek, the opposite of the word reality, integrity, truthfulness, was something, I couldn’t pronounce it, but it’s where we get the word lethargy. In other words, the opposite of reality is not a lie, but it’s lethargy. So Jennifer you told me yesterday all the meanings of lethargy.
(Jennifer) Well I was, uhm, saying that, ah, even though we, we often use it, and I think a synonym, a partial definition of lethargy is laziness. But that’s not all it is, that it is literally a physical manifestation, uhm, lack of energy and exhaustion, that lethargy can occur from outside forces, from inside, it can be the result of depression, it can be, you know, if the human body becomes extremely cold, uhm, that’s one of the first things that begins to happen and it’s basically an oncoming paralysis almost.
(M) This is the Thesaurus, inertia, inactivity, passivity, sloth, tiredness, apathy, you named it Carole as laziness. And that’s so brilliant, because what I said about how passive we are about fear. We’re used to it. We think it’s, it’s human and inevitable. And subconsciously we accept it, whereas if I had stolen something I would have known it was a crisis. If I had lied about somebody I would have known it was a crisis. But the very nature of fear, I believe, in part it is a demonic result is that you, you are lethargic about it. You just don’t do anything about it. You just never confess it, you don’t have any passion left to deal with the fear; you’re just its victim. And that’s part of the power of Satan who has you, when you’re in fear he has you under his thumb, so to speak, and he can cause you to be that lethargic. So it’s brilliant that you saw that.

Fear and Its Fruit – Episode #370 – Shulamite Podcast

13 Responses

  1. Sam says:

    Wow. Thank you each of your testimonies.

  2. Andrea says:

    is it possible for you to post a link to the Renaulda church sermon? I have been unsuccesful searching for it …

    1. John Enslow says:

      Well, it took me a bit to find. But this is the same sermon done in a studio.
      Meet Your Maker 4 – Nothing But the Blood
      with Pastor Alan Wright
      Bless you, Andrea and thank you for asking for the link.
      John

  3. Andrea says:

    all I can say, from every fibre of my being, is
    thank you ….

  4. LT says:

    o what a Gift! Awestruck – I don’t have words … my eyes hardly closed all night long…this was most magnificent (not even the word!) heart-stopping (or really maybe heart-starting), maybe the most amazing thing ever heard. In a very busy place yesterday, time – life – everything (at least my perception of it) stopped while listening to the podcast and there was … eternity (? is that the word? or was it simply the vastness of Him?) o my Lord … God bless you forever and thank you for sharing so, Carole, thank You, Jesus., thank You Holy Spirit, o Father, thank You… My piddling thought/belief of “He has solved it all” doesn’t begin to touch … anything … of Reality. Thank you all for bringing this forth and ever for your prayers. O what a cost it must have been – to you all, to Him… In Christ. In Christ! i’m shouting now ! Had been asking for a greater understanding of being In Christ … never expected such as this…and oh, the timing of this (where there is no time … see what i mean? there’s no words!)

    Eye has not seen, ear has not heard, nor has it entered into the heart of man all God has prepared (made and keeps ready) for them who love Him …. !!! o my Lord. .. Yet God has unveiled and revealed them by and through His Spirit, for the Holy Spirit searches diligently exploring and examining everything, even sounding the profound and bottomless things of God, the divine counsels and things hidden and beyond man’s scrutiny. Death, fear where is thy victory? Grave where is thy sting? Done away with forever! Swallowed up in Him…the exquisite Son of His Love

  5. Regina says:

    I am utterly speechless. I don’t know what to say … but there is so much to say. Carol thank you, thank you, thank you for humbly sharing your heart. It has changed me. I’ve repented. Still speechless.

  6. Fabiola says:

    Wow. Thank you Carole, how amazingly we are embraced by other´s consolation (being brought by the Espirit to the truth-Jesus to be free).

    Thank you Sam.

    Two years ago I was going through very painfull circumstances and on top of it many physical tests seamed to say that I had bone cancer. Whyle waiting for the resoults of a bone marrow biopsia, I had to face the thought of dead, of course I experience panic, self pity and God´s abandonement.
    Then I had this dream where I had to cross that frontier, like ours between countries, and as I walked and accepted the fact it was my end, I began to thank God for every thing and ask Him to forgive what ever I missed up. It was a short walk. No tunel with light, no pain, just crossing by foot to enter another state and some people where waiting for me at the other end. I was surprised to find out how simple and liberating it was. I woked up with such joy that I wanted to go home – just to live in Christ.

    In a way I can´t explain my life began to be a lighter experience and found the strenght to face that reality I feared the most. I understand how He is my strength and there is a desire to cross that street every time that those things I feared assault my way… the street leads me to Him, the street is Him.

    Love you Carole.

  7. Sandy says:

    This soooo big… Thank you so much for sharing this truth so I too can know! God bless you for sharing – His love has been revealed in an even greater way to me… It is so amazing that Life reveals Himself through DEATH!! Just this Friday night, as I lay down to sleep, He hit me with a small glimpse of the reality that our death (of our bodies) means seeing and being with Him face to face… This picture only lasted for a few seconds, but it was very real to me. I just lay there and cried… I cried because it was amazing. I cried because it was beautiful. I cried because I don’t see it like He does. I cried because I fear it (death to my earthly life), because I don’t want it…

  8. Sam says:

    And YES… we literally died with Him.

  9. Sam says:

    Oh… I am listening to this and it is so inspiring.

    Carole, your fight is so REAL, and it feels so real from here. You are being REAL, my child! Like a naked child confronting the most powerful entity alive, beyond Satan and the world, as the Scriptures say… death is His LAST enemy.

    And your testimony is… paramount. (Paramount is a word I discovered lately and I love the word, you know.) It is paramount because your are dealing with it in the reality of your childness and lambness and aching inability. You are saying: “feels so strong, it feels so scary, it feels so awful. Death is plainfully awful, gray and cold. It is shattering my bones.”

    BUT…. Jesus Christ told you. Don did not die, because those who are in Jesus Christ cannot (forever) die, the same way that He did not (forever) die, Don did not (forever) died. He is to have a New Name, and you will no longer know him as “Don”, the same way you will not longer be “Carole” to him.

    I have seen it, and I shared it with you before, and may this be again for your comfort. The Body of Christ is UNSEPARATED from Christ. It is impossible to separate Don from you and me and anybody else in the Body, the same way it is impossible to separate Don from the one that raised and sit at the right hand of the Godhead.

    Reality of death is this: “Crossing the street” (that’s what a little one that already passed that street said in an spiritual experience he had.) He died very young of a genetic illness, and he used to say “death is the same as crossing the street.”

    (And probably I will have to go through the same agony as you when/if He appoints the time for some of my close ones to “cross the street.”)

    I will then try to remember your own travail.

    1. Martha says:

      Bless you, Sam!
      Carole has said it over and over: Don is in Christ and we are not separated because we are together in Christ. “The Body of Christ is UNSEPARATED from Christ.”
      What a statement ! What a wonder !

      1. Sam says:

        Yes, it is such a wonder!! So difficult to believe for our minds, but so easy for God in the Spirit. In the Spirit there is such an easiness for all these things that seem to be like a closed door in our very noses.

        Love aboundingly in the ease of the Spirit.

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